Month: May 2020

Start at the Beginning

Denise Krebs

Hard Things I’ve Faced and Overcome

  • having a baby brother
  • pooping my pants in kindergarten, not once but twice
  • cutting my foot on a shovel in the back of my dad’s work truck and getting two stitches
  • on that same cut, getting accused of picking a scab by my older sister
  • needing my training wheels too long
  • learning to swim by being thrown in the pool
  • at age 7, having a nephew who had a lot of birth defects
  • at age 7, having my father die of a massive sudden heart attack
  • getting in trouble for sticking out my tongue at Mrs. Kesselring
  • jumping from the back of a station wagon trying to use folding lawn chairs as crutches–my knee did not turn out well
  • not making All Stars in softball after playing for 7 years
  • not making the cheer leading squad, even the semi-finals
  • getting through college in 6 1/2 years, and not ending up with a profession
  • having my first nephew die from his failing organs at age 20
  • choosing to be a teacher and going back to college, again
  • biting a boy’s thumb when I was a youth group leader and he was in junior high
  • facing my ACoA issues before my first daughter was born
  • moving across country for my husband’s work when my daughters were in grades 7 and 10
  • moving across country for my husband’s work and then not being able to find my own teaching job for the whole next year
  • losing to sudden death a brother and sister
  • being accused of cursing by students in one of my early grade 5 classes
  • being in Day 89 of isolation to slow the spread of the Covid-19 pandemic

Sunday, Day 89 in Bahrain. This is Day 54 of The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad. Today’s prompt came from Kate Speer CEO of The Dogist. Read her courageous and freeing story here and here in her TEDx Talk.

This is Just to Say

Denise Krebs

This is Just to Say
by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

My Poem
By Denise Krebs

This is Just to Say
I have given all
the students A’s
on their report card

Forgive me
I tried to
differentiate
and do
summative
assessments
but quarantining
has made them all
really good in English
they are so
clever and hardworking

Variations on a Theme by William Carlos Williams by Kenneth Koch

Saturday, Day 88 in Bahrain. This is Day 53 of The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad.

To My Great Grandbaby

Denise Krebs

Dear sweet little baby joy,

There is nothing like a new baby to bring hope into the world. I know there are those who already loved you when you were barely a timorous, yet tickling and intoxicating thought in the minds of your parents.

Welcome to the world, my dear. I missed your birth, but I just wanted to say how much I would have loved you if I were still alive. Your grandma was my baby once upon a time, so I know the joy you have brought to your family.

First and foremost, I would like to apologize to you that I didn’t spend more of my life fighting to dismantle white supremacy.

After we had our first African American president, Barack Obama, a segment of our country rejoiced that we were becoming post-racial, whatever that meant. Another segment went into survival mode. The racists came out of hiding, raising up their repugnant heads. The powerful (who were powerful because they had white skin) were scared. They called it things like tea parties and conservatism instead of what it really was, fear of losing their ill-gotten and undeserved power.

There was only one silver lining in the debacle of the 46-1 presidency that you will read about in your history books. It made lots of people like me aware of the awful condition of our country–there is no such thing as post-racial. Racism is at the heart of everything wrong with our country. It is the foundation we are built on.

After hundreds of years of killing and displacing indigenous people and stealing, killing, and enslaving black people from Africa, we spent close to two more centuries clinging to white power, continuing to displace and kill people with abandon and impunity. But when that one was “elected,” I figured it would be temporary–I gave him less than 100 days.


But the country fell for the con.

Not really. The country was the con. The vile and vicious underbelly–the truth of systemic racism–was exposed in all its ugliness. It was flaunted and shouted from the mountaintops. People in power shoved their fingers into their ears and shouted lalalalalalalalalala to drown out the din of the circus in the Executive Branch and closed their eyes to pretend not to see the 40% of Americans embracing and celebrating the blatant racism he espoused. There were even whole media outlets committed to continuing the con.

Even though there was a very mentally ill man in the White House, the leaders would neither invoke the 25th Amendment nor would they remove him from office when he had been justly impeached. They had to pretend all was normal. Because if they didn’t, their power would collapse.

But you know the end of that story. The 46th president won by the largest landslide in the history of the country. She won all 50 states. The former president and most of his cronies spent years in prison, and at least blatant racism crawled back under the rock. However, not before a great majority finally acknowledged it, and finally became accomplices with our brothers and sisters of all colors to fight systemic racism.

Now, my sweet great grandbaby, you get to join this fight because, no matter how much we fight it, it’s still not gone completely. Don’t let your guard down. We have to keep up the fight for equal justice for all.

I love you and will watch you run your race with perseverance. I’ll be the one on my feet cheering you on from the grandstands (Hebrews 12:1).

Love,

Your Nana

P.S. I’m afraid this is much more difficult than I make it sound. People of color put up with the oppression of white people like me every single day. If it’s not 2050, and anyone is still reading this, I listened to a podcast today that helps white people know how to fight the right battles. Check it out here by Myisha T. Hill, Lettie Shumate and Weeze Doran.

Day 87 in Bahrain. This is Day 52 of The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad. Today’s prompt was written by Carvell Wallace.

To-Feel List, Not a To-Do List

Denise Krebs

In today’s prompt by Sky Banyes, we are to write a to-feel list, a good place to start before writing a to-do list.

It’s a challenge to think of feelings that you want to feel. I found myself reverting back to adjectives I wanted to be described with.

It is interesting to consider those big ideas of who we want to be and feel, what is our why? What are my deepest aspirations and yearnings? It’s interesting that they really do have a lot to do with feelings, as the prompt explained.

I want to be fulfilled, productive, and make a difference.

This feeling wheel has helped me to create my own “to-feel” list today.

Thanks to Geoffrey Roberts

Here is my “To-Feel” Wheel – Most importantly my feelings are grounded in LOVE–supernatural and natural. 

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Colossians 3:14

I just put the feelings on my wheel that I want to feel, or I am mindfully choosing to feel. I know other feelings will come, and I will accept them, but most of these are ones that I aspire to feeling. (I don’t particularly want to feel lonely or exposed, but I do want to be aware of the pandemic and live with good loving decisions, like wearing a mask and using Zoom, when I would rather not. To love others and myself, sometimes it will include painful feelings.)

Sky asked: “Are your priorities, habits, and rituals serving these feelings? What steps can you take to honor the items on your ‘to-feel’ list?”

After 86 days in semi-quarantine and school cancelled for me, yes, I can say that I am learning new priorities. I’ve been given a gift of extra time in 2020, and I am doing my best to “feel” these emotions, and act accordingly. Prior to the quarantine I was running to and fro without direction, my main feeling was stressed.

This is Day 51 of The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad.

Day 50 – The Isolation Journals

Denise Krebs2 Comments

I learned about something new today from fellow Slice of Lifer, Patricia at Jump Off; Find Wings. She mentioned her inspiration for the day was The Isolation Journals by Suleika Jaouad, so I went and discovered a new community of writers who are writing about this time of quarantine.

Joy Kirr has been writing daily, as well, documenting her observations and learnings during this quarantine time. She’s on Day 66, at this writing.

Though I have written more than ever in the past three months, I haven’t done it daily, so I think I will give it a try starting with Day 50/100 using prompts from The Isolation Journals. We are on Day 85 here in Bahrain of no more school, and into the foreseeable future.

Today’s prompt is about taking an object in your home and explaining it to someone who might wonder why it was there. The prompt was by author Sloane Crosley.

The World’s Greatest Measuring Cup

Really, who would need an explanation for this treasure? Wouldn’t everyone want to have the “The World’s Greatest Measuring Cup”?

However, this one is special, and it rests on a shelf in the living room, not the kitchen. It is the loving cup trophy for our biannual Family Christmas Day Pancake Cook Off. The Cook Off started when our girls were younger and we did it every year. However, now with marriages we’ve gone to every other year because there are two families vying for Christmas celebrants. The last three events we voted for the winner and presented a trophy.

In 2014, just Katie, Maria and I celebrated Christmas in Seattle. We made three delicious pancakes. We didn’t vote for a winner.

In 2015 Thomas and Katie came to Bahrain. We all made pancakes, and Thomas won with cinnamon roll pancakes.

in 2017, Thomas and Katie were in Bahrain, and Thomas won again with a delicious McGriddle knockoff.

Yet again, in 2019 Thomas brought the trophy back to Bahrain for the cook off. In addition to Thomas and Katie, Janzen and Maria came to Bahrain this year, too. We had four pancake entries–Oreo pancake, chocolate-lemon, East meets West Appam, and the winner was Blueberry Streusel Muffin pancakes, and Katie took the trophy away from Thomas.

So, why is the trophy still in Bahrain? Why didn’t Katie take it? Thomas and Katie did a little shopping while here, we sent home gifts for them and Thomas’s family. When they went to pack, they had to remove several things to be within the airline weight limit.

The trophy sits on my shelf now inspiring me for the next Christmas Day Pancake Cook Off. What kind of pancakes will I make?

https://www.instagram.com/p/B6fjxP9lYt8/?igshid=5d7w2kn1vogh

It looks like in 2019 I went back to a reboot of 2015’s appam.

Just Breathe

Denise Krebs2 Comments
Slice of Life Tuesdays

 

 

 

 

 

Just breathe. Take a moment to remember what life was like three months ago. Driving or riding in traffic for hours a day, being late to meetings, having another meeting after that one, going shopping and to restaurants, entertaining crowds at home. Working too many hours.

It’s not like that any longer around here. Most of us have had at least some relief from the busyness that Jonny Diaz’s song mentions:

“Alarm clock screaming bare feet hit the floor
It’s off to the races everybody out the door
I’m feeling like I’m falling behind, it’s a crazy life
Ninety miles an hour going fast as I can
Trying to push a little harder trying to get the upper hand
So much to do in so little time, it’s a crazy life”

However, now there are new stressors and a different crazy life schedule. There are so many people with children home 24/7. That cannot be easy. So many people working in the healthcare field, with the dangers and stress related to that work. Most all of us have worries in multiple areas–financial, health, travel, and “What-does-the-future-hold?” questions. Maybe something we can all do more often is just breathe.

“Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe”

Our church prays together at 7:00 p.m. each day (virtually, that is). It was my turn to write our Covid-1900 prayer guide today. More here. 

My First 5-Day Quick Write

Denise Krebs

This month’s 5-Day Open Write at EthicalEla was led by Kim Johnson. Here are our poems for May.

I Remember

I remember when my newly-married sister brought home hippie gifts.
I remember the year was 1965, tumultuous and troubled. I was seven. I jumped for joy when she presented her gifts.
I remember the gifts were only something I had longed for.
I remember never thinking I would really own my own. They were more stylish than anything I had ever worn before.
I remember the granny sunglasses and maxi dresses for my ten-year-old sister and me
I remember them as if I were holding them in my hands now.
I remember mine was sunny yellow with small white designs. My sister’s was identical to mine, except it was sky blue.
I remember racing in to put on our dresses.
I remember slicking my straight pixie hairdo to my head so I looked like Twiggy.
I remember my sister with her longer unruly waves, opted to be more Janis Joplin.
I remember standing on the sidewalk, pretending to smoke cigarettes, head tilted to peer over my glasses.
I remember watching over many rooftops and across the river as the smoke rose over Watts.
I remember vaguely wondering if the world was going to end.

Duplex Poem

What if we never make it back home?
Will the sky remain blue and the sea tranquil?

The sky will be blue and the sea tranquil.
And the hope in our souls will not be lost.

Hope and love and joy will not be lost.
Even if one of us gets sick and dies?

No, even if one or both get sick and die.
The flowers would flourish, birds will call

Remember the blossoms and birds will call
They won’t be susceptible to viruses

Our cells can be infected with viruses
Might Covid give our nation’s soul a cleansing?

Maybe, but I need my own soul’s cleansing.
It may be a deep journey to get back home.

The Way I Felt poem

The Way I Felt
when my dad died
was befuddled.

My dad was
a hundred miles away
taking a shower.

My mom and the young ones
were at Grandma’s house
for the weekend.

My sister and I stood
under the window
listening to a conversation
we were not invited to.

Mom and Grandma sobbed.
“He was so young.”

My sister mouthed,
“Scotty?”

Mom and Grandma
drove away with her brother
Uncle Bruce and Aunt Lola.

We were left with
Aunt Lola’s sister.

“Aunt” Dorothy
would have to do
to break the news to us
and take us home.

Turn From inspired by Whitman’s Song of Myself, Stanza 32

Diapers

I think I could turn away from dirty diapers, they are so fetid and disturbing.
I stand and look at hundreds of crammed nappies that, in many cases, haven’t been changed in decades.
They do not work for 99% of the people, but are hollow gongs.
They do not serve, but are crafty, selfish liars.
They do not care about dismantling systemic racism and wealth inequality.
Not one is honest or empathetic, but rather cold and venal.
Not one feels the pain of the people they came to serve.
Not one is willing to walk a road of suffering to love others.
So these Pamper piles must be voted out of office.
They bring disgrace to our nation.

I wonder if I overgeneralized my disdain
Did I miss any worthy to retain?

“Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reason.”
~Tom Dobbs, Robin Williams’ character in Man of the Year (2006)

The Right Words at the Right Time

“Congratulations, life will get tougher!”
Title of fear at my high school
Baccalaureate service
Already worried for the future
Defeat, anger, discontent, failure
What did my future hold?
I was unprepared for college
I was unprepared for work
I was unmotivated, yet scared

In church for the first time in years
I left that night still afraid
But this “tougher” sermon
Went out the door with me
Somehow gave me a future

God found me in my angst
And placed me in peace

Click here to participate in the 5-Day #QuickWrite poetry challenges.

Keep the Genius Hour Learning Going

Denise Krebs

My goal for my students is that they become lifelong, independent learners. Not those who jump through hoops, but those who embrace the LEARNING of school. I have a lot of students like this at my sweet school. Grade 5 is actually such a fun year for passionate learning.

In our recent Genius Hour “unit” in at-home emergency learning, I knew it was going well for my students and for me. I had not heard much from the parents, though, so after we finished I sent out a feedback form. I am happy to report, it was going well for them too. I asked them a few questions:

  1. Was the amount of time just right, too much, or not enough?
  2. When your child ran into a problem, were they able to solve it or figure out a solution?
  3. Did they learn or create something new?
  4.  Was it a valuable learning experience?

The answers were overwhelmingly positive. The time was just right. Yes, their children were able to figure out how to solve their problems. They learned something new. And it was valuable from the parents’ perspective.

When I asked the parents if they wanted to say anything else, the answers were also very positive. Here is a word cloud so you can get a taste of their lovely comments.

It seems like their children have been doing that independent learning at home. The learning that I long for them to do. I think we are on the right track.

Now, I’m excitedly keeping the Genius Hour learning going. While I watched their presentations, I kept a list of all the amazing things they were teaching me. Now, I am home replicating some of my favorites because who doesn’t need a unicorn cloud pencil and marker organizer?

My inspiration was Noor’s pencil holder.

Here is my video of my student-inspired projects so far. I hope to help the Genius Hour learning spread! Wouldn’t that be fun? Genius hour all summer with inspiration from their peers. I will be suggesting it for their lesson in our last week together.