Would you believe it, little one?
There is more in your future.
More to enjoy, to embrace, to learn.
A whole world awaits — vast and immeasurable.
For now, you are warm and cozy.
You feel this is all there is–
rocking, swaying with the rhythm
nestled in the glow of her heart.
But you will be disrupted soon.
You will come out kicking,
attempting to make sense of the chaos.
It will take you a lifetime
To realize you can’t make sense
of the chaos.
You weren’t made for…
protesting for freedoms never promised,
distractions from the pain.
But would you believe it, little one?
There is more in your future.
More to enjoy, to embrace, to learn.
A whole other world awaits
Uncluttered thoughts, unfettered hearts,
As inconceivable as this one once was to you
A world being prepared for your full humanity —
vast and immeasurable.
Last night in our family Bible study we wrote prayers of lament, like in Psalm 13 (How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?) and Psalm 22 (My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?).
Prayers of lament start out with protest, continue with petition, and end with some kind of praise, at least anticipated praise. Here is mine:
God are you here in your church?
Why does it not look like heaven?
Why have we distorted your Body so much?
When will we give up white supremacist
theology for the upside down
Realm of Jesus?
Have you abandoned your church?
Do you laugh or cry
about the mess we’ve made of it?
Can you just start over, God?
Re-transfuse the church with your blood,
and do whatever you have to
to make us serve the Jesus of the Bible,
not the “white” Jesus created
by enslavers and murderers.
I want your will to be done
on earth as it is in heaven,
but it is hard to believe it will happen.
I want to praise you
because I know you will fully come.
I do believe,
but help my unbelief.
The administration is making a video for the parents and students to thank them for their hard work during this time of remote learning, which is now into the SECOND March! It is really hard to fathom that.
Some days I feel like a full-time teacher, but I find joy in doing some of the extras, which used to get dropped in the full-time crazy juggling of being a coordinator and teacher. So now my days are filled with some of the balls I used to drop. Lately it’s editing talent show videos, long-term subbing so full-time teachers don’t have to also add that, planning and implementing a spelling bee, and tutoring individuals and small groups.
It’s been rewarding work during a pandemic, and a way to ease out of the classroom instead of going cold turkey.
Yesterday was full, so I woke up this morning (which is still Wednesday in the U.S.) and wrote a poem for the parents and students. It’s a monotetra.
Today is one more day
To learn and to pray
The God who sees you says
Go this way, Go this way
Dark is the night
Lord, give us your sight
We want to get through this fight
Be our light, Be our light
Another yesterday today mirrors
Now we have entered another year
Be not afraid, for God comes to cheer
No more fear, No more fear
You are a determined tower
You’ll get through this hour
Radiant and ready as a flower
God empower, God empower
Do I hate trump more than I love Jesus? That’s a big question I need to answer.
Because in my life lately it seems hate is trumping love.
Because I spend more time watching news and these dark days of trumpidity than I do in meditation and prayer.
Good question. Because the news is on my smart phone under my fingertips. I’ve paid for NYT and Wapo subscriptions. I use Twitter and Instagram and… and…and…
Yes, why indeed? I read and view with my mouth agape at the disasters that continually befall our nation. Like a train wreck, I can’t stop watching and reading.
OK. I guess I can stop watching. I just don’t want to or won’t.
Because I want to be in control.
You’re right. That doesn’t make me in control. Maybe because I don’t think God is controlling things right now.
It never stops–trump, the GOP, police brutality, racism, hatred, state-sanctioned murder and no accountability. Coronavirus infections. Mask wars, Russian interference, Russian bounties and…
That’s a good question. All the more reason to spend more time in meditation and prayer.
Today is Thursday, Day 128 in Bahrain’s coronavirus time, day 93 of The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad. Today’s prompt is by Suleika by way of Brian Blanchfield. She challenged us to “Look through your past journal entries. Without overthinking it, choose a sentence that intrigues you. Imagine a flashing cursor (or some annoyingly precocious four-year-old) at the end of it, asking why? Answer the question, then ask it again. Continue until you’ve gotten to the heart of the matter.”
Just breathe. Take a moment to remember what life was like three months ago. Driving or riding in traffic for hours a day, being late to meetings, having another meeting after that one, going shopping and to restaurants, entertaining crowds at home. Working too many hours.
It’s not like that any longer around here. Most of us have had at least some relief from the busyness that Jonny Diaz’s song mentions:
“Alarm clock screaming bare feet hit the floor
It’s off to the races everybody out the door
I’m feeling like I’m falling behind, it’s a crazy life
Ninety miles an hour going fast as I can
Trying to push a little harder trying to get the upper hand
So much to do in so little time, it’s a crazy life”
However, now there are new stressors and a different crazy life schedule. There are so many people with children home 24/7. That cannot be easy. So many people working in the healthcare field, with the dangers and stress related to that work. Most all of us have worries in multiple areas–financial, health, travel, and “What-does-the-future-hold?” questions. Maybe something we can all do more often is just breathe.
“Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe”
Our church prays together at 7:00 p.m. each day (virtually, that is). It was my turn to write our Covid-1900 prayer guide today. More here.
I have a FitBit, and right now I am on a bit of a 10,000-step-a-day streak. I also like to keep moving for at least 30 minutes each day. Sometimes I keep going while my husband runs an errand. Today I kept walking while he went into the Viva store to take care of a mobile phone issue.
Last week, when I needed a few more minutes to hit my goal, my hubby stopped at the market to buy some cashews. I went in, but I kept moving, moving around the store. He told me I was like a cat underfoot, going here and there, needing herding.
Tonight we walked through the dark alleyways and narrow streets of Manama, where I am never afraid. It’s dusty and run-down and crowded with cars parked on the sidewalks and people going every which way. Cars squeeze through places you would never believe they’d fit. (I spent almost a whole lifetime thinking I needed more room to drive than I really do.)
I took a walk with my husband tonight, after we heard about the tragedy in Las Vegas. I am weeping that my own country seems so unsafe and broken nowadays. O, God, save us, I pray.
May God bless us with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths,
And superficial relationships
So that we may live from deep
Within our hearts.
May God bless us with anger
At injustice, oppression,
And exploitation of people
So that we may work for justice,
Freedom, and peace.
May God bless us with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain,
Rejection, hunger, and war,
So that we may reach out our
Hands to comfort them and
To turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless us with
Just enough foolishness
To believe that we can make
A difference in the world,
So that we can do what others
Claim cannot be done:
To bring justice and kindness to
All our children and
All our neighbors who are poor.