Category: 2020

Doing a Brooke

Denise Krebs

Dear Naomi O’Brien, Brene Brown, Jim Wallis, Weeze Doran, Oprah Winfrey, Michelle Obama, Cory Booker, Stephen Colbert,

I’m second guessing this prompt because I’m feeling confused how to navigate my whiteness in this time of unlearning the internalized white supremacy inside of me. I’m trying to be quiet and listen to so many voices now. I would like to sit and talk with someone, but for now, I think I will wait and keep listening. A couple years ago I set a goal to read one antiracism book a month, but lately my reading has stalled. I need to get back to my library and read a lot this summer. Then maybe I’ll do a Brooke.

Today is Tuesday, Day 112 in Bahrain’s stay-at-home time, day 77 of The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad. Today’s prompt is by Katherine Halsey. Her son Brooke wrote to a famous professor he admired and was invited to go the next day to visit him during office hours. After that, and especially after Brooke’s unexpected death, the family referred to those brave reaching out times as “doing a Brooke.” So, she encouraged us to “do a Brooke” today, to write to a person we admire and tell them why, and that we’d love to meet them.

Impeccability

Denise Krebs8 Comments
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Today is Monday, Day 111 in Bahrain’s stay-at-home time, day 76 of The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad. Suleika gave us the prompt today inspired by Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements.  The first agreement is “Be impeccable with your word.” According to Ruiz this “is the most important one and also the most difficult one to honor.” The prompt from Suleika: “Write about a time when you were NOT impeccable with your word.”

Impeccability: the quality of being without error or fault; to be incapable of sinning 

Being impeccable with our word is impossible based on the definition of impeccability. We will make errors. We will fail at times–as today’s prompt suggests. Being impeccable with my word has a firmer foundation in my life now as I’ve gotten older and wiser and more redeemed. (I totally believe in the Gospel–the Good News that Jesus can save us from our fears, selfishness, power-hunger, greed and then help us to be impeccable with our word.)

I must have been about ten years old. I was a tomboy and never wore dresses outside of school. (Yes, dresses were required for girls in my school in 1968, believe it or not. The following year, when that rule was abolished, I literally wore my one and only pair of jeans to school every single day of grade 6.)

Anyway, we had a neighbor who had a granddaughter who stayed with her at times. The woman shopped for the girl and when an item perhaps didn’t suit her or fit her properly or whatever, she asked my mom if she wanted to buy it for me. I don’t remember how many times this happened, but one time I especially remember. We went to the woman’s house. There it was–a red nightmare, the hook of the hanger dangling it from the door frame. I held my tongue and bit my lip. It was handed to me, like a last meal before my execution. It was made of polyester, and it was backed in foam, more suitable fabric for a seat protector in an old person’s car. When I tried it on, I looked like Po the Tella Tubby in a jumper. My skinny legs were the clapper in a big red bell. The foam polyester looked like it was strong enough to survive a nuclear bomb, and it could not have been uglier or more uncomfortable. Instead of being impeccable with my words, I answered, “Yes,” although quietly and haltingly, when the inevitable question came: “Do you like it?”

Why, oh why, did I always feel I had to say what I thought people wanted to hear? It was part of my upbringing, to be sure. “Be cute at all costs,” was the unspoken but highly valued life force in my family. That was evident in the fact that my mom, witness to all this ugliness, paid for the jumper and took it home for me. We both were not able to be impeccable with our word.

My mom and I never spoke of it. It hung in my closet until it was added to a future donation bag.

Fortunately, by God’s grace I have learned to be more honest, but I have a boatload of stories like this I could have told about when I have NOT been impeccable with my word.

The Recommencement of America

Denise Krebs3 Comments

The unanimous Declaration
of the fifty United States of America
and the five U.S. territories,
When in the Course of human events,
it becomes necessary for one people

Black Live Matter

We hold these truths to be self-evident,
that all people are created equal,
that they are endowed by their Creator
with certain unalienable Rights,
that among these are
Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Black Live Matter

That to secure these rights,
To which Laws of Nature
and of Nature’s God entitle them
Governments derive their just powers
from the consent of the governed,

Black Lives Matter

That whenever any Form of Government
becomes destructive of these ends,
it is the Right of the People
to alter or to abolish it,
in such form,
as to them shall seem most likely
to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Hate Crimes Prevention Act
Breonna’s Law
Michael Brown Law
Oh, yeah, that one didn’t pass
Police still don’t have to wear body cams
Black Lives Matter

But when there is a long train
of abuses and usurpations,
it is their right,
it is their duty,
to abolish the forms
to which they are accustomed,
to throw off such Government,
and to provide new Guards
for their future security,

Black Lives Matter

In every stage of these Oppressions
Black Bodies have Petitioned for Redress
in the most humble terms:
Black People’s repeated Petitions
have been answered only by repeated injury.

Black Lives Matter

Appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world
for the rectitude of our intentions,
of Right ought to be Free and Independent;
And for the support of this Declaration,

Black Lives Matter

With a firm reliance on the protection
of divine Providence,
we mutually pledge to each other
our Lives,
our Fortunes and
our sacred Honor.

Black Lives Matter

America, let us recommence.

Taken from the Declaration of Independence

Today is Sunday, Day 110 in Bahrain, day 75 of The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad. The prompt is by recent high school graduate, Lincoln Debenham: “Write your own commencement speech for whoever needs it—whether it’s your own graduate, family, or community. Your change making could start here, with your own words.”

A Typical Day at Home Again

Denise Krebs2 Comments

Today is my 109th day being at home after the Ministry of Education asked the children and teachers to not come back to school the next day. That was 25 February 2020.

I reach over, grab the pencil in my darkened room and scribble a message on the notepad. Email Fatima’s mom about the Flipgrid video, send Zoom link to Ali, write minutes and share with team, reply to Flipgrid responses. Later I see the words are barely decipherable, piled on top of each other, but I’ll figure them out. It’s one of the puzzles of this day, and I know it’s something I need, so I keep working to break the code. It’s worth it to have my four o’clock in the morning questions in the dark. The dark room is due to the black poster board taped to the windows in our bedroom. Otherwise, it would be bright in our room by 4:30 a.m. My notes would be easier to write, but my sleep wouldn’t be as good. The darkness means I can usually go back to sleep for a while.

Get up between 5:30 and 6:30, shower, dry my hair, put on a little bit of makeup. (Because there are always videos to make!) I tear off the wee-hours to-do list from my nightstand. Sit at my computer. Read emails, do the things on my list. Sip the tea my husband brought me. By 7:00 a.m., my husband is out the door to his job. I start recording my feedback videos for students. By 8:00 a.m. I’m on a schedule of making sure I’m available for emails, What’sApps and phone calls. The goal is to answer within 15 minutes on all emails.

So many distractions, though. I record a few replies on Flipgrid. I see an email of a parent needing information on a late assignment. I ask if I can start a Zoom meeting to explain something to the child. Then I get a phone call from my VP about something I need to do before our meeting tomorrow. So many things to juggle and balance, and they all happen as I’m anchored to my dining room chair. How can I have continual work for 8-10 hours a day with hardly a break and never finish? At least when I’m working at school, I get to get up and go to recess or teach a class to students with skin on. I go up and down stairs, eat lunch, page through real papers and books, go to real meetings with people. Everything is not all digital.

This continues until 2:00 p.m. Then I can be off duty! But I’m not, there is always something more, always more emails and more feedback to be given and more videos to make and more and more and more. I never stop working at 2:00.

Ah, but I don’t work every moment. Between emails I plop the no-knead sourdough into the flour-covered bowl for a two-hour rest/rising and set the timer for 1-1/2 hours. When the timer goes off, I turn the oven on to 550 degrees F and set the timer for 15 minutes. Then I put the pan in the oven, set it for 15 more. When the pan is hot, I dump the bread into it, cover it, and put it back in the oven. 30 minutes more, remove the cover, 20 minutes more, remove the hot loaf of sourdough and turn off the oven. Every time the timer goes off I jump up and do something for a minute or two. It’s become a routine that I rarely mess up. On my first loaf of sourdough, I failed to set the timer for the last twenty minutes. I left it in for over an hour more until it got to dried-up-brick stage.

When my Fitbit reminds me to take 250 steps in the hour, I try to listen. If I notice the subtle notification and I’m not in a meeting, I get up and walk. I get a drink of water. I think about lunch or dinner and what I’ll be making.

At noon, I check my personal email, hoping Suleika’s prompt is there. I read through it and think about it for a few minutes. Then I get back to work.

Two of the things that sustain me during this virtual learning are taking opportunities to be creative in the kitchen and write on my blog. These are life-givers and helps the monotony.

Today is Saturday, Day 109 in Bahrain, day 74 of The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad. The prompt is by Cat Hollyer. She tells us to “Think about a day where you felt a range of emotions—things like joy, boredom, contentment. Summarize your day through the lens of one of these emotions. Then, choose another emotion, and summarize the same day again.”

Letter About Everyday Beauty

Denise Krebs

Dear friend,

I sat by the sea today. It was hot out, over 100 degrees F, a bit steamy with the humidity. The fishing boats were anchored in the Gulf, gently moving up and down. A couple of fishermen were bobbing in the water, not really swimming, just floating and cooling off. My husband and I enjoyed being out of the house. We mostly stay home, except for required work hours. It’s Covid-19 that is keeping people home most of the time. On Friday mornings, the Muslim holy day and my husband’s day off, we go to the supermarket during the first hour, which is for older people. (I don’t feel like an older person, but I guess the calendar disagrees.) Today after shopping, Keith got a cup of coffee at Starbucks, and we sat by the sea as he drank it. It’s nice to be out of the four walls of our flat.

The supermarket is a wonderful place to go. There are groceries from all the continents. Today I bought butter from New Zealand because it was in a wide  shallow can that I will later use as a ring to bake crumpets. The produce section is a colorful extravaganza for my husband and me. We were always accustomed to small town Iowa grocery stores where there wasn’t much use for exotic fruits and vegetables. Because there are expatriate workers in Bahrain from over 120 countries, the supermarkets have buyers for hundreds of items, many of which I had never seen before coming here–chikoo, Dragonfruit, mangosteen, tamarind, and rambutan. We are learning new names for common items too–eggplant is also known as aubergine and brinjal. Who knew? Bell peppers are capsicum.

We used to try to avoid zucchini and cucumber “gifts” in Iowa in the summer. Home gardeners always grew too many (and too large) zucchinis and cucumbers. It seems like a bag of one or the other would always end up on our doorstep. However, now that  we’ve discovered Persian cucumbers and Middle Eastern zucchini, we have a new found admiration for the formerly despised vegetables. They are small, seedless and delicious. I remember the first time I watched a kindergartener at recess eat a whole cucumber. I wondered to myself if I could ever stomach doing that. It probably took me a year before I even tried one. Now I eat them all the time.

Well, now it’s time for me to go. It’s bedtime in Bahrain, but morning in California.  Have a good day.

Sincerely,

Denise

Today is Friday, Day 108 in Bahrain, day 73 of The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad. The prompt is from Mitchell Jackson. We are asked to write letters to people in prison, especially those who are sick and in prison hospice units. He recommends that you look at things that you find beautiful or mysterious and write to someone about what you see, about why they are beautiful, sublime. Give them some joy. Be as particular as you can.

Send your letter to this address and they will be delivered:
California Medical Facility
Attn: David Maldonado, CRM
1600 California Dr.
Vacaville, CA 95687

Learn more about today’s prompt contributor, Mitchell S. Jackson, and his latest book Survival Math: Notes on an All-American Family.

Why I Hide

Denise Krebs1 Comment

Today is Thursday, Day 107 in Bahrain, day 72 of The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad and my 37th wedding anniversary. Today’s prompt was based on a quote from Nehru, the first prime minister of India.

It is no easy matter to decide what is right and what is not. One little test I shall ask you to apply whenever you are in doubt…Never do anything in secret or anything that you would wish to hide. For the desire to hide anything means that you are afraid, and fear is a bad thing and unworthy of you. Be brave, and all the rest follows.
—October 26, 1930, from Naini Central Prison in Uttar Pradesh, India

Our prompt…”Where does the impulse to hide our stories come from? How is this connected to what you fear—and why?”

Is it self-preservation that keeps me from sharing all my stories? There are definitely stories I don’t share and never have shared with others. I guess the fear is shame and humiliation, but is what Nehru said true? If I am brave, all the rest follows? What if I did tell all my stories as needed in the moment, without fear of being rejected, shamed or humiliated? Perhaps my stories would help someone else overcome their fears.

Suleika keeps this quote on her desk, “If you want to write a good book, write what you don’t want people to know about you. If you want to write a GREAT book, write what you don’t want to know about yourself.”

And that is my food for today. I’m going to go and nibble at this as I get ready for bed.

What I’ll Carry

Denise Krebs1 Comment

The quarantine has been lonely and long. I look forward to when we will get back to normal, especially at school. However, there have been multiple silver linings for me. I have several things I look forward to carrying with me into post-quarantine life.

Vegan Stuffed Shells

Cooking and baking are on my list. I’ve always loved to bake, but now I have added a sourdough starter named Stanley, who is serving us well with weekly loaves of sourdough. Cooking, on the other hand, was always only functional for me, never fun or creative. I have turned around 180 degrees, and now I delight in making healthy and delicious meals. My genius hour during our at-home learning was about using the spices in my spice cabinet. I continue to do so with abandon and joy.

In addition to being in the kitchen more, I am also happy that there is less stress in my life, due to a lighter schedule. I’m getting better sleep and have more prayer and quiet meditation. I’m an introvert through and through, so I do better with more solitude. I know the quarantine has not been good for everyone’s mental health, and so I am humbly thankful that I feel as good as I do.

Though I’ve been disappointed in my lack of quarantine reading, I am pleased with all the writing I’m doing. I’ve always been a writer, but since the end of February, I have written more regularly than ever before — 50+ blog posts and 40+ poems, not to mention at least 8,458 emails for school.

Finally, what I am making a commitment to carrying after we go back to “normal” is the message of Black Lives Matter. The U.S. (and, indeed the world) should not go back to normal in the area of human rights. Too many of us, and that includes me, have stayed silent long enough. We must work to dismantle systemic injustice, inequality, and racism. I pray we all carry the story of George Floyd so this is a turning point in our civilization.

Those are a few things I will carry with me throughout the days I have left in this world (minus writing all those emails).

Today is Wednesday, Day 106 in Bahrain, day 71 of The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad. Today’s prompt was provided by Clifford Thompson. It is to write about what we hope to carry forward from the quarantine? Clifford’s latest book is What It Is: Race, Family, and One Thinking Black Man’s Blues.